One girl's battle with life
SO much has changed. SO much that I can't even comprehend how much in such a short space of time. I couldn't continue the two lives. I couldn't do it. Back in April, I spent a week in Scotland imagining living there. I hoped it would help me decide either which life to choose. It… Continue reading Changes
8 years ago I went to Australia. 10 years ago I left college. 14 years ago I left home. What have I done? How did time pass like this without me knowing? I asked C. She said we snorted the time away. Then she laughed. I didn't laugh. It's not funny anymore. That's my life.… Continue reading Time wasted.
I was so naive. I used to think drugs freed my mind. Now I know differently. They narrowed it. Nothing is what it seemed at all. All the friendships I made along the way sit in their own unrealistic battlegrounds. Every single person apart from C (sometimes including her?) Is a sea of disappointment, disharmony… Continue reading Freedom
I ran away from home a long time ago. Home wasnt safe. Change that. Home hadn't kept me safe. I'd been abused by a person near to my family. My family hadn't kept me safe. On top of that, my mum was a ball of emotional crazy (still is) and my dad avoided having to… Continue reading Trust
At night I turn into a monster. I don't think this is the first time this has happened. I don't think it happens all the time. I can't put my finger on why. It's like the night draws in and my brain switches to a bad mood instantly. I begin to get irritated by everyone.… Continue reading Monster
4 months. I just had to mark the day. It's been 4 months. I didn't decide to come clean. I didn't want to. It just.. happened. I went one weekend then another then another. I've been drunk. I've been on all nighters drinking. Watched the sun rise, wasted the following day in a daze then… Continue reading Clean
How's your weight? Struggling with the extra pounds? Always hungry? Try cocaine, MCAT, meth or a newly formed chemical. Before you know you'll be up all weekend and you won't be able to eat for days. And if the mad with it life style isn't for you, a wee sniff a day keeps the cake… Continue reading The health benefits
I can't play battleships anymore. It has unsavory connotations with doing drugs. Shame. I used to love it. I used to love Sudoku too. But when you've spent too many days sat in the same room doing lines off of a grubby plate, drinking out of a grubby glass, jittering away like a mad person,… Continue reading Association
I have had to admit to myself recently that my emotional distress regarding Scotland has been grief. I didn't see it coming. Nobody had died. Nobody was ill. It's grief for the party lifestyle I so wish to be a part of all the time. It's also grief for a man I should never have… Continue reading Grief
So I'm getting ready to go home from Scotland. I have slept very little this past 48 hours and I feel fine. No actually. I feel fine. Fine in the head. Two possible reasons for this: 1) No drugs were involved 2) I had a clear head when I arrived. Hmm. Tricky one. I want… Continue reading It’s all in your head
FaerieFalls 