Lazy bitch

I am a lazy bitch

I don’t guide my life by how clean my bathroom is.

It’s been months since I last “cleaned” my bathroom.

Don’t get me wrong, I still put bleach down the toilet when necessary. I still give the surfaces a wipe down when I get out the shower. But a proper top-to-bottom clean with all the correct products> months. MONTHS.

I wash myself, though.

Sometimes.

That’s nice.

Once every few weeks, I run the bath and rinse my hair. I paste my plant powder hair shampoo on. Cake my face in The Ordinary 30%. Pop a Body shop bath bomb in; a gift from a friend who sells this shit for actual money, whilst I get it for free by popping in every now and then and helping her with her small child. I put clean bedding on the bed whilst the bath runs toa reasonable amount for 5 minutes before sitting in my boiling bath of beauty. I let the steam and Yankee candles relax me. Rinse the hair. Splash the face. I have four Yankee candles gifted to me in the last 5 years, and two more bought on student discount. I use them every time I have a bath and they are still going.

Half an hour later, I am sitting in a clean set of pyjamas and looking forward to clean bedding.

Every single day between these events, I do very little.

I wash my face, pits, foof and feet with a flannel and whatever soap is hovering about; hot water or cold. Some days I rinse my hair under the tap or the shower, letting the natural grease pepper my strands with useful oil.

I brush my teeth daily. 2 Minutes with an Oral B electric toothbrush. Floss. Mouthwash.

The flat floor could do with a hoover.

Hell, it could do with a wash.

But I do nothing.

I am still alive.

I am still here.

I am about to start a full time job.

Even without it, I can barely muster the motivation to properly wash and clean myself more than once every few weeks.

Do we need to?

Do I need to wash as frequently as my friends?

My mum used to shower three times a day; before work, after work and before bed.

Who on earth has the time for that?