Another few years older 🎶

There was a song that always spoke to me as a tween: “can anybody hear her” by Casting Crowns. The lyrics are depressing. “another few years older and a few more steps behind” was a prominent line that brought tears to my eyes whenever I came to a crossroads in life.

It came to mind today. Except now I disagree. Here I am stood on a Sunday evening In August in an old Riverside industrial town in East Scotlsnd. My tan is fading but my optimism isn’t. I’m at my mates flat. Another place I have a key. Another bit of space I can occupy freely.

I may be a few years older. And I’m definitely still not a homeowner or business owner. I do not have a steady job. Things most people associate with moving forward. I gave all of that up to follow my heart. And my heart is here. Inside me.

So I am not behind. I am very much on track. I’m buying myself some time as a woman by having my eggs frozen. First consultation booked and paid for. I am buying my first home. It won’t be my forever home. But it will be a home. I have stopped trying to look for home and started to actually make home around me.

I am starting the next chapter from a more educated place. A more peaceful place. A more weathered and humble place. I’ve learned a lot about myself. My strengths and my weaknesses. The things I can change about myself, and the things I can’t.

I need to make some decisions. I’ve spent the last 15 years seeing where life will take me. No particular plan, just whatever pulled me at the time. I ended up in Scotland. Now I am choosing Scotland. It might not be the town I’m in right now. But I have the ability to visit, work or study in many places whenever I want from a base here. And the mountains are never too far away…