I am learning all sorts about this hormone. It’s effects were of huge interest to me some time ago. And in my usual circular fashion, I am addressing my interest once again.
Only this time, there’s new knowledge. And this knowledge is answering some questions.
Now I know the conclusions made by a mainstream article such as the website in this picture, leave a lot out. But underneath it, I can see how this applies in other possible ways. The links with Autism are inconclusive, in my book. But only because I question our understanding of Autism to begin with.
I struggle with attachment. It’s yet to be known just how Autism and ADHD are directing this in my brain. Is it in my nature? Yes. Examples of my behaviour as a child suggest this. But my upbringing with two socially inept parents, leaves lots to be explored. Either way, the attachment experiences make sense.
I do produce oxytocin. I can feel it in certain situations. But I am learning how my experiences show I probably don’t produce enough.
I struggle to respond to signals of trust. I am more likely to connect with those who outwardly display these signals. I see how this could be common amongst the Autistic community.
I can manipulate situations myself by creating a sense of trust to encourage others to connect with me through mirroring signals I know will make them feel good. Dangerous. The guilt I get from lying prevents me, but there’s a high chance the guilt is something engineered in me, given how my family and society used guilt to guide me as a child. I can see how this could be common amongst those who score highly on the narcissism scale. I can also see why social institutions such as religions use guilt to manage behaviour. The guilt stops me from manipulating. But what’s left is supposed to be natural, and that’s where I draw a blank.
Natural ways I feel good about connecting with others often start and end with those who are more transparent. Animals and children.
And I guess, that’s why I spend a lot of time alone.
FaerieFalls 