Sex and beds.

I am learning lots about my sexual appetite. Refining it. Defining it. Meeting my needs. Finding new ones.

To me, sex is a necessity. I can’t live without it. I think about it. A lot. Quite selfishly.

I enjoy exploring new ways to achieve new feelings. The most exciting of all? Sex in life. The less selfish kind.

Sex in a bed has its uses, don’t get me wrong. It’s good to practise. Rehearse the movements. Find the limits. Work out the practicalities of achieving the feelings. Sex in bed doesn’t NEED the achievement of an orgasm. I don’t need practise there. The orgasm comes naturally in life when I’m excited. And yes, that can be the bed. But not always. The bed can be funny, practical, familiar, affectionate, relaxing and a safe place to fail. All things that I want.

For many, perhaps this is where the excitement stays. Not for me. The excitement is in those genuine moments in life, where attraction and urge appear with the person you’ve practised with. Maybe sometimes that is at a time I’m quite naturally, in bed. But a good chunk of the time, it’s not.

Plenty of areas within the home that aren’t the bed. Being turned on happens in life, when you are in your home. Not just in the bed at the end of the night when my mind is thinking of going to sleep, or in the morning when I’m thinking of coffee.

There have been times in my life where I lived out of a room and therefore the bed was always there, looking inviting. And washable. And there have been times I haven’t had a bed at all. Maybe that’s why I’m comfortable without it.

Theres a world out there waiting to be played in. Anywhere outdoors where you can’t be seen, is fair game. And even places you could be. But those require a lot of trust and/or planning thoughts. Cars. Buildings. Forests. The sea. Anywhere you live your life.

I have a strong belief that this forms the basis of affairs. Sex is just more exciting in the real world where you are living and getting turned on by things.

When I’m in a relationship, I like to be prepared for sex in life. I’m getting much better at it. Theres always toys in bags. Restraints in the back of the car. Wipes and sheets and spare underwear about.

You never know when or where you might be when you get turned on and want to have sex. Or who or what you might come across that lights that fire.

When I’m not in a relationship, I’ve learned I’m not hugely interested in sex with others. Life still turns me on. I just indulge alone for satisfaction. Every now and again another human is good for urges and practise. But it’s not the same. Nothing beats life sex with someone who has spent time learning how to make the absolute most of it, with you in bed.