Freedom

I love the little wonders in life. I find lots of pleasure in my world around me. In the past two weeks, a few things of wonder have appeared before me.

The first was a shooting star. It a was night without plans and I didn’t want to sit in and watch a film. It was a clear night so I went for a drive. I was looking upwards enjoying the stars twinkle as I cruised along with the chilly breeze coming through the open when a bright star shaped light appeared in the sky and traveled to the left in an arc like a very careful firework before disappearing. I know it was probably something burning up in the atmosphere but I wished on it anyway.

The second was on a late evening drive back from my friend’s. I had my full beams on coming down a country road. I thought I saw a kitten in the road and I slowed down. It looked like it was crouching and crawling at the same time so I slowed down some more. It wasn’t a cat. It was a huge spider. The size of a hand. The car slid past. I hoped the little fella made it out of the road, the next car might not have been so fascinated.

My friend is in hospital and I’m taking care of her cat. This cat doesn’t like people but let’s me pick her up and wriggle her about and all sorts. She purrs at me in contendedness and I feel a pang of wonder that such a creature could exist and want to connect with me.

My dad came to visit and he taught me about the land I live on. A miner’s son, my dad had an avid interest in geology. Had education worked for him, his life would have been very different. We had frank conversations and I feel he saw me as a real person without the shroud of expectation. There was an honesty in his words. They weren’t covered in anger or any other emotion other than acceptance. He also looked old and I realised in wonder that I may have ten years to find myself, but in ten years I may start to lose my dad. He already tires easily and visits the bathroom more than is necessary.

I baked a cake or three. Proper birthday cake style cake. It was chocolatey and soft and had thick icing on the top and fudgey gooeyness in the middle. I made each one completely differently and never settled on a best of show. I enjoyed my baking in silence and by myself. I pondered over textures and tastes. My own little creations.

I taught in a village school in the countryside where the grass is green and streets are cobbled. We learned about Autumn. We went outside and picked up leaves. I spent an hour having in depth discussions with 5 year olds about the best type of leaf. It was golden. The best leaf by far was a Copper Beech, towering over the playground. I was even treated to five minutes of sweet quiet as we all finished the day on our backs in a space in the playground like a star fish, pretending to be a leaf.

I visited an abandoned manor house turned educational centre. I learned it shut down as resedential centres became almost obsolete away from busy leisure opportunities. I enjoyed touching the old stone and carefully scaling the floors, carefully treading where many have gone but still not many when you think of the many who haven’t.

I saw 11 rainbows on a wet but warm drive up A82. Six of them in pairs. I got to feel the ASMR tingle up my spine, stood at the bottom of the falls of Falloch, the water thundering onto the rocks from the sky and the mountain.

I have the freedom to see these wonders. Like many I have seen across my life. I am not lucky. I make some good choices. No matter what I have done. I am free. I am free.