Nature

Something I like to do in my spare time is sit and look at nature.

I used to hate it. The outside. Because I was scared. And I have heightened sense of number touch. The feel of outside has hd the potential to both soothe but also disregulate me.

As a child I was forced outside at the control of others. And, as I have found, my sensory needs have played a big part in what I liked and disliked as a child. My mum has always been very haphazard about things. I’m not necessarily the opposite, but I have needs, and these needs were often not met when we were outside. Wellie boots that don’t chafe, enough tissues for the sniffles, suitable sweat level control for the heat.

This has been overcome two fold. Firstly by taking more control over my sensory needs and either managing them or learning to cope with the repercussions of not. Secondly by learning more about the outside.

Now I’ve learned more about the animals around me. More about the plants that grow. More about the eco systems that thrive. I enjoy watching programs, reading books, following internet feeds. My ex loved all things outdoors but he also loved to learn about it. The more I learn, the less scared I am. I don’t know if it’s the same for him.

I still bat away crawling things and jump at the sight of a wasp for health reasons. But the buzzing of bees overheard doesn’t fill me with dread. The rustling of ants on the leaves near my face doesn’t make me move.

I can sit with nature in all its beauty but also it’s raw realness. I have found comfort in what I would once have found uncomfortable situations for my senses.

I’m still unlikely to make it far up a mountain…