Why I’m not…

Everyone is going through something at the moment. EVERYONE. Even Richard Branson.

Ok fair enough if you’ve got that many millions and your concerns are anything other than about the health of you and your loved ones, maybe you should have made a better choice somewhere.

But frequent feelings I hear talked about: dispair, fear, anxiety..

Mental health is taking a hit for many people who have not given their mental health much thought in quite some time.

A meme making the rounds on FB is announcing that people with anxiety are being questioned because they aren’t panicking and the creater confidently assures that they arent panicking because they are used to it “Har har har”

I have a sneaky suspicion it’s source is a huffy anxious person, pissed off that they are no longer ‘special’.

But we are 4 weeks into isolation, now. And how people are coping with their anxiety of this situation, is becoming plain and quite amusing.

Most of my friends are pretending they’re fine on Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat and tiktok with memes, videos and pictures. Whilst ignoring private messages for days before suddenly sending a long message to people they care about explaining their impending break down.

Long term Mental health sufferers, notice anything familiar?

Many of my friends are optimistically attempting work outs on social media, whilst having somehow put on a stone in real life.

Many of my friends are buying more than they need in the shop, not because they are panic buying in the real sense, but because shopping is now a tense, anxious, different situation. It takes ages to get in. You feel on edge the whole way round as the signs and staff take everything extremely seriously whilst half the customers stand right next to you, cough on your shoulder, let their kids run amock and generally act like nothings going on. I get it, that might be their coping techniques, but it sucks. Of course any decent human being might grab a few things extra in the hope they don’t have to do it again for another week. Before you know it you’ve spent twice your budget and you STILL have to go back in 3 days.

Many of my friends are complaining about the lack of understanding to the rules, the lack of clarity.

Many of my friends are suddenly confused as to why their friends and family have different opinions on how they are supposed to act. Surprised that people think differently.

I’m not doing any of these things.

I suffer with anxiety, yes. But I’m a dab hand at it now. Only people that know me would know and everyone else just sees my coping mechanisms. But my anxiety is with life. Life has stopped. In some ways, so has my anxiety.

I’m not putting on weight. I’ve actually lost quite a bit. Take away the stressors of daily life and I suddenly feel much more able to work out. I don’t feel the need to eat my feelings because I don’t have to deal with anybody. I’m moving about more in general because my day isn’t controlled by the 8/9 hours of tense working in front of others.

I always found shops a nightmare. Thus I am more than used to writing a list and dealing with the intrusive thoughts of ‘maybe I should get this for next week’. Now at least there are less people and people are less likely to talk to you. I’m also able to go when I feel like it so I’ve aimed for quieter mornings in more strict shops. I can take my sweet time at the self checkout and nobody shouts at me for taking too long deciding which type of chips to buy as I check online that there isn’t a better deal in another shop. I have a reason to go alone so that nobody with me has to endure my slow careful shopping.

I find the rules of society an absolute mystery. Part of my anxiety coping methods has been to try to prepare for situations. I have found through this, that it’s just NOT POSSIBLE. Because… People. People suck..people aren’t predictable. People break rules. Society sucks. Society is unpredictable. Society doesn’t follow it’s own rules. Society pretends to put your interests at heart whilst actually just trying to get the most out of you for the lowest effort. Many people are just realising this and are pissed right off. Welcome to my LIFE.

I have discussed my anxiety at length with several health care professionals and have come to many conclusions such as the unfairness of society, as a source of my discontent. I’ve been questioning people’s decisions and choices since I can remember. I am no longer surprised how many people fall into the idiot category. I also know they are usually the ones out in public in any given situation. I can defend my thoughts and feelings and I am used to it! Now I give most people an eye roll and I move on.

I’m still anxious about things. But when life and society is the very thing that is the root of your anxiety, the lack of it is actually a benefit.

I may be scared of dying. but the rest of my daily concerns have dropped away now I don’t have to leave my house and can work from home.

I hope society changes for the better.

But I won’t be surprised if it doesn’t. I’m used to that.