Communication

Technology is apparently the devil. I don’t see it.

Even with the best will in the world, the devil is on everybody’s shoulder some of the time. That’s a social construct of humankind. Not a piece of furniture. If technology is causing problems, it’s because of the humans that are using it.

I don’t have a problem with technology these days. I used to. I used to care what went online. Used to sit online for hours. Scroll through MySpace and fill in forward email questionnaires that go out to half the people at my school. Pretend to be a pretty girl on Girland, a cool kid on habbo hotel and a fucking dragon on neopets. Christ, its been hard work learning sports this last few years!

But these days? My phone is my diary. I type instead of write. I can still write. I do so frequently and am still capable of writing 2000 words in about 2 hours, so I could go back to uni if I wanted to without too much of a shock to the system. But I type for fun.

I don’t scroll endlessly through Facebook. I do a little, like many I’m sure. When I’m bored or I have a short amount of personal spare time. Such as waiting at the venue for an appointment that I’m on time for. Not enough time to get my head back into a book. Not enough concentration for a lengthy blog post to read. A game could be interrupted and that irritates me. Could I talk to the people around me? Yes and I do. If I hold a door open for an elderly person with some bags I say something jovial like ‘thats quite a haul’ or a simple ‘are you ok there?’ even if I don’t get or expect a reply just a polite acknowledgment in return, it’s still more communication than a silent polite statue. I’ll ask people if they need help if I see them staring intently at a guide somewhere that I am familiar with like my town or my local pub. If I see something around me that I have interest or knowledge about, I might strike up conversation, ‘ive had that before, it tastes great’ or ‘excuse me, where’s your perfume from? I really like it’. People are generally communicative back, even if they look uncomfortable.

But these reasons all have a purpose and that purpose is easy for me to see because I’m aware of things around me a lot (linked to my anxiety, I’m sure)

Tap into the same purpose as somebody else and hey presto, communication. More often than not I end up with a conversation with someone for a couple of minutes. Sometimes longer. It’s how I met one of my current friends and it’s how my current boyfriend is my boyfriend and not just a guy I talk to in the pub.

But random interactions with people you don’t know are not natural. Even if practical interaction is started such as paying for something in the shop. That doesn’t instantly mean you have anything further to communicate with the person other than pleasantries. People can say that people don’t talk anymore. Yes, in public. Because in public, people are increasingly surrounded by people they don’t know.

If this is a public issue then yes of course by all means, let’s shut down mass production and supermarkets. We’ll go back to local butchers and local branches where traffic is more frequent but from a smaller group of people. Let’s create more local communities where children can walk to the shop and parents know they will be safe. We know this works. Communities like this often thrive when it comes to their health both phsycial and mental. Even if there is low average income or low social mobility. There’s just not many of them. Small communities are few and far between in any area that is more built up than a village. To make this sort of change, society needs to deal with this issue at a societal level. And economically we pay for a government to do that.

But they won’t. Because it’s not cost effective. They want to do what’s most cost effective. Mass production is more cost effective.

So yes, technology fills the gap that communication used to. But that’s not all its for. It builds relationships. Sometimes I go a few weeks without seeing any friends or family other than work colleagues and my partner. But I still communicate daily with my best friends. A mixture of funny shares, links to interesting content, there’s a whole host of normal conversations about normal concepts. Just slightly harder to keep up with when it gets heated. Some group conversations in the download chat you have to be a quick typer to stay part of. Life and distance mean that we can’t just nip round for group dinners every week. But we still keep in touch. We can join in to any conversation and pick up where we left off.

I still see my best friends most weeks. And some weeks I see them several days. Some people I see every couple of months like family from both our sides. Some mates I check in with for a drink every now and then when I’m at a loose end. But in my mind they shouldn’t see that as a a negative. They would know we weren’t close but I’m choosing to message them when I have free time which says I like them. If they wanted more friendship with me then that can be communicated and decided whether or not its possible. A recent guy mate said he wanted to go out for a drink sometime. He’s a close friend of my best friends, who are a couple. I see him on odd occasions at theirs and anything more social than a glass of wine after dinner. We are friends. But there isn’t time in my life for another male friend I can see alone without question. And he isn’t important enough to me to upset my partner’s peace for. It’s a small compromise on my part but my partner doesn’t make any new girl friends either so we both have that understanding. Yet we have things in common and get on well and talk online in normal healthy human friendship type communication. Technology allows that. That makes both of us feel like we can continue to enjoy the friendship in some way. My relationship is less strained as it is not just down to my partner to provide my every means of adult communication.

I still know how to communicate. So people saying that phones and the internet are making us bad at this. Yes!!! To idiots who are already incapable of communication in the first place. It gives them a platform to pretend that they can. But it’s just creating a natural gap between those who can communicate and those who can’t and it’s also filling it with school curriculum content hugely filled with communication skills. Rest assured, the children of today are learning so much about communication and society. Yes math and lit might have been compromised, but they aren’t being sheltered from the grittiness of social problems, by any means. Technology is only relied upon if that’s what the child is taught to do with it. Yes go watch a bit of TV then I’ll play a game with you. If that is not something you can do in your life then you should be made aware that you are already not providing for your child in some way.

Its a sad fact that many people will be unable to because of work commitments or inability to do this themselves! Many people don’t communicate all evening all week. They don’t go anywhere. They don’t do anything. If a child came into my family. They would be part of a farm community, they would go to work with dad after school if I was working late or at the gym and be looked after by his bosses wife at the farm because my partner often stays and has a cuppa with them and we visit shows with them and go for dinner with them. They would do sports at the leisure SO I could go to the gym! They would learn how to cook because we cook properly all the time.They would see the country because we go for drives at the weekend. They would read because I sit and read. Yes the TV is on weekday evenings but when we are able to sit and relax, I still read. We have subtitles up and the sound low because we like to get stoned and chatter over it.

Yes they will grow up thinking smoking is ok. We clean vape more than anything these days though. Tobacco isn’t the main product we use. They will also grow up knowing what drinking is all about and will probably, much later, learn what drugs do to you if they come home early from a prearranged weekend away so that we can have a dabble in our old ways.

Children need to be taught to play and engage with the world. Parents either don’t engage or don’t let their children see them engage, create a gap in that child’s learning. The absence of parents is the worst part of this. That child may fill it from other sources. Or it may not. In reality, we know this. Parents have for years said things like ‘well I got through it fine so they will’ or simply looked at the child and thought well they look like they can do everything they should, how do you know?. They just haven’t had anybody tell them they are wrong and help them see what they need to do to be right and make sure they do it. Or stand up and say ‘yes, I AGREE WITH YOU, but you are still DAMAGING that child unnecessarily but not allowing them to learn from you and make better choices and have the opportunity to live the way the want and communicate with people they want to communicate with’. We aren’t going to FINE you for it, but we want you to know that we’ve put your name on this list over here and if you ever come to is with an illness we can’t diagnose, we will revisit this. If we ever have an issue with behaviour in school, we will revisit this. If we find we are taking your child into custody again and again, we will revisit this. We will revisit this until you understand you have to teach your child how to be a proper human and that might mean some more sacrifices on your part. Turn the TV off. Put the phone down. Put your shoes on and go for a walk. Get the cardboard out of the bin and make something out of it. Buy fresh if you can, even if you’re tired. You chose your life. Don’t make your children suffer. Nobody does anything until it is too late and the damage is done.

But this is how I know I don’t have a problem with technology. I engage with the world often and it’s not forced. Yes some days I might not go anywhere. And some days I might be sad and abuse whatevers available to me. I’m human, I falter a times. I log it, and try to prevent it happening again that way. Then deal with the next one. Technology occupies my mind when I need it to. Life occupies my mind much more.

I might spend an hour or three on a blog post here, then my phone stays in my pocket the rest of the day. Instead filling my time with going to the shop, going for a walk, a drive to a nearby town. Making dinner with my partner or talking to my partner over a dinner table somewhere at a restaurant. Discussing the day will end in some quiet time for him where I will have a bath and game and chat to my friends. we will both re-engage with each other an hour or two later to watch something together or have sex or both. Technology supports my life rather than controls it. As long as you can communicate, then it won’t be a problem.

So let’s teach parents how to teach their children to engage and communicate. If they have a child and are not doing that they should get help and guidance. And if they continue to not provide proper engagement for their children through work commitments or lifestyle, they should be recieve no further universal credit benefts from having another.

I don’t agree with this ‘no child is left behind’ malarky. That places the responsibility of children’s progression into a functioning member of society in the hands of the society rather than the parents. Hence this massive wedge that’s been driven between educators and non educators. If parents are properly educated on how to provide the attention and life skills to a child, and a parent refuses to do so in such a way that causes problems further down the line, too bad.

You failed to talk to your child unless you wanted them to do something or you were telling them off and now they have a speech impediment and behaviour issues and are refusing to change anything about your parenting to improve it? Too bad, now you will have to educate them yourself and pay for any specialist care they need. This guidance was in the guidance pack you were given when you fell pregnant or chose to have a child (if in some other way) and in the free parenting classes offered at community centres and citizens advice centres and surgeries around the country at all times.

If we actually want to hold anybody accountable for the behaviour of children, it should be their patents. Preventable measures can be taken to reduce it. If a parents doing what they should be, within reason, and keeping any inappropriate behaviour to a minimum monthly occurence (every adult should be allowed an outlet from time to time) then they will be given every help their child needs. But if they aren’t, THATS where change needs to start.

So you see. It really is just a communication issue in society, not technology, that the problem.