You make me

You have turned me into this.

I used to be independent. Still a ball of anxiety and emotions. And strength and attitude.

Now. Now I can’t be bothered. With people. With work. With anything.

Is it you?

I remember feeling just as lost before in my life. What helped? Time. Time on my own to sort myself out. Being away from people. Being on my own so that I didnt say or do anything I couldn’t take back.

I need a place to go to so that doesn’t happen.

Or maybe this is who everyone is underneath.

We are all a bit sad. A bit sorry. A bit unwell. A bit selfish. A bit of all these negative things.

When we woke up this morning you told me to ‘turn the fucking alarm clock off’ as I said good morning as I stretched. Then I gave you a cuddle and said did you sleep ok, you just said ‘NO’ in an angry voice and nothing more. then I got up and closed the bedroom door behind me like I do every day and you shouted at me ‘leave the fucking door open CLAIRE’. When I came back in you said you didn’t know how far away I was.

I’m sick of it.