There’s nothing special about this Tuesday. It’s raining. Pretty Standard for Scotland. I didn’t get any work this morning.
So now I’m sat here smoking a single skin. Reading. Watching reruns of old shows. The cat is snoozing on the end of the bed.
Suddenly reminded of 12 year old me; sat in a similar situation. Except the bedding was purple, the walls were blue, my nails were shorter, I had more hair. And the only problem I had in the world was how I was going to hide the paraphernalia my mother would undoubtedly find on one of her jaunts through my bedroom.
Given the lack of supply work so far; I’m plotting what else I’ll have money for next year other than Download and Tomorrowland. Then I realised I don’t know why I’m panicking. We’re a long time dead. If I go gigging next year instead of buying a house, who cares? Long as I get a good few months full time, I can guarantee myself another good year.
My phone keeps beeping. Sometimes I hate the interruption of technology. It made me think about how people ask me how I handle 30 kids. Well:
They’re slightly louder than the average electronic device. However they’re much less breakable. They can be dropped from hip height to floor without much more than a squeal and possibly crumpled clothing. With the correct attire, a fall from a great height will only break a few bones – the brains will probably be fine. My last phone died whilst I was looking at it.
On the subject of destructivity, most electronic devices are still afraid of water. This device man created to be useful, is scared of something that makes up 70% of the world it inhabits. Children, on the other hand, can be semi-fishlings from quite a young age. My dad’s way of teaching me how to swim, was to chuck me in and scream ‘SWIM’ at me from across the pool. And I did.
Kids are infinitely more useful at a gig. Lose a phone at a gig and you’ll be hard pushed to get more than a casual shrug in the direction of lost property from anyone in any authority. Lose a kid and, unless they are quickly handed back by an affronted mosher thinking he was encountering a dwarf, the place will send out a tannoy with their description as well as alert every member on site. Think of the protests you could start. Plus you could use them as a beer smuggler. Children are exempt from strip searches in most circumstances aren’t they? Much more exciting.
The affection and care from each one is enough of a dopamine rush to rival any comedown. It doesn’t matter how hard my day/week/year has been. Every child I encounter as my teacher self brings me a sparkle. Even the cheeky ones. Especially the cheeky ones. When I’m not teaching they can often be an irritant. Although kids can be a nuisance out of school. I always think teachers generally get a better side than parents. My Phone however, finds seven different ways to persuade me to buy slimming pills (hint maybe?), can’t be bribed not to tell the authorities what it overheard, and sings at me whilst i’m trying to concentrate whilst simultaneously reminding me its time for a mindfulness meditation.
Children generally are quieter at night time (albeit they have their moments). There are several turn-off switches known as: Cal-Pol, Neur O’fen, brandy spiked Ovaltine and Mr DVD Player. These rarely break and mixing them altogether will stop them from waking you. Unlike that pesky alarm feature which allows your phone to turn back on before your alarm goes off.
Their start up costs are about the same. You may even find yourself waiting around outside a big white shiny building in the hours leading up to arrival of both. They need clothing and feeding.
All in all, i’d rather have a child around than a phone sometimes. It does depend on your investment though. Children are for life. Whereas phones… really are just for Christmas.
FaerieFalls 