Watching someone you love go through turmoil?
Watching someone you love, love someone else?
How about watching someone you love being unable to remember most of your friendship?
Yup that last one is definitely going to be the end of me one day.
Why, you ask? Surely he will gain his memory back? Surely you can enjoy the memories you both had? Sadly not.
Because the part of him that holds most of our memories, is the part he will eventually not have anymore. The drunk part. He doesn’t want to be a drunk. He wants to stop and that means the part of him that knows me best will fade away.
I honestly don’t know if sober him wants my friendship or not. He pushes everyone away sober and that includes me. I don’t know if he wants to remember me, or wants to have that closeness with me sober. I don’t know how much he even likes me sober. Because he has a personality transplant when he’s drunk.
I’ve known people like this before, people who struggle to express themselves sober and loosen up when a drink is inside them. I know inhibitions are lowered and demeanour can change. But he is different. He is completely and utterly different. His thoughts are completely different. His opinions are completely different. It’s a struggle.
All I hope one day is that we are still friends. I want him to get to know me sober, but to do that, he has to be able to ask me stuff because I won’t volunteer. How I feel about things and what I think about situations is often not discussed when he’s sober but he asks me those sorts of questions when drunk. Hence why drunk corey knows me better.
What a pickle
FaerieFalls 