Recovery

I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. Everyone I know thinks I’ve been coming off my anti depressants. Everyone thinks this is making me better.

Really I’m just getting over the drugs. The addiction or the withdrawal or a combination of the two. Its been 8 weeks of torture. The last hit was immense but equally horrific. Unlike past come downs where an extra dose of fluoxetine and a few long sleeps has done the trick. This time I’ve been ill. Horrifically ill the whole time. A kidney infection plus an ectopic heart beat (which is likely to be with me for life now) in addition to nerve damage in my knees, throat infection, shallow breathing, painful joints, bone ache, migraines, amnesia, lethargy and two collapses (thank god neither at work). No wonder i feel happier.

The sad fact is, this is just one arrival zone. I fly the same circuit although the time zones dont always match up. As pure luck would have it, im needing a break from all drugs at the moment, legal and not so legal. This allows me to feel excitement and enjoyment. Just wait until their friends ‘anger’ and ‘depression’ make a formal visit. Pretty soon I’ll be back on the fun stuff to deal with life. Then back on the anti psychs to deal with the fun stuff.

Finding it harder to ride the rollercoaster than i used to (read above for details). And experiencing an emotional time of year like xmas without any medical assistance is going to be tough. Im just glad im going away. Otherwise I’ll be hitting the fun stuff much sooner and a quick turn around is never good for the nervous system.