One girl's battle with life
I'm happier than I've been in a long time. Everyone I know thinks I've been coming off my anti depressants. Everyone thinks this is making me better. Really I'm just getting over the drugs. The addiction or the withdrawal or a combination of the two. Its been 8 weeks of torture. The last hit was… Continue reading Recovery
It's a four letter word. I'm redefining the word. I teach kids. Yet I have an unhealthy attraction to things that are frowned upon and I have been known to walk about with a gram of meth in the back of my phone and smoke thc on my way home. And I keep forgetting people's… Continue reading Risk
I am sat on the loo. Staring at this shelf. This shelf hasn't changed in 5 years. Apart from the fact that in the last 6 months it's been dusted every two weeks when the cleaner comes. I've stared at this shelf more times than i can count. I've sat here focusing on the… Continue reading Shelf of silence
Im here in my second home in Scotland. I am depressed. Those two situations rarely happen at the same time. And when they do, I have a habit of blaming a sudden drop in dopamine on a recent come down and look forward to the next night of getting on it. I am sober.… Continue reading No matter where you run…
I'm in Scotland. No drugs No alcohol No cigarettes I am actually okay. Amazingly the medication works when I'm not mixing it with stuff that fucks you up left right and centre. On the other hand, I can count on my hands the number of actual meals I've eaten here over the last decade. And… Continue reading Stone cold sober
I'm losing myself. And not in a good way. The phenergen that docs given me doesn't really help with sleep. Unless I tip it back with some pseudoephedrine or dihyrdracodeine. But I get the feeling that's not really what I'm supposed to be doing to get to sleep. So I went back to amitriptyline.… Continue reading Loss
By this reasoning, it stands to suggest that the large number of whiteys amongst drinkers is entirely to do with sugar levels. I always drank Jack and diet cola, before that I drank vodka and diet cola. I was one of those people who couldn't eat and drink at the same time. If I… Continue reading Wake n Bake.
August is the best and worst month of the year. I used to love August. time for sun and fun and no responsibility. Over the years so much happened that it became necessary to hate it. The hate was fueled by my habit. I'm not sure where one ends and the other begins? Over… Continue reading Memories don’t hurt as much as you think.
High as a kite, low as a fox, as pure as a new born baby. Do I breathe? Do I not? I bounced in the door this evening. After a difficult attempt to sleep last night and an early alarm call to make sure I had time to wake up. After a longer than… Continue reading It’s only Monday
I'm elated. I hardly sleep at the moment. I know the moment i write this i will stop. I have realised that blogging about my mental health is my version of talking therapy. I get it all out of my system, all the feelings, gone. Then I'm back to a sort of hiatus between high… Continue reading The Highs…
FaerieFalls 