One girl's battle with life
How's your weight? Struggling with the extra pounds? Always hungry? Try cocaine, MCAT, meth or a newly formed chemical. Before you know you'll be up all weekend and you won't be able to eat for days. And if the mad with it life style isn't for you, a wee sniff a day keeps the cake… Continue reading The health benefits
I can't play battleships anymore. It has unsavory connotations with doing drugs. Shame. I used to love it. I used to love Sudoku too. But when you've spent too many days sat in the same room doing lines off of a grubby plate, drinking out of a grubby glass, jittering away like a mad person,… Continue reading Association
I have had to admit to myself recently that my emotional distress regarding Scotland has been grief. I didn't see it coming. Nobody had died. Nobody was ill. It's grief for the party lifestyle I so wish to be a part of all the time. It's also grief for a man I should never have… Continue reading Grief
So I'm getting ready to go home from Scotland. I have slept very little this past 48 hours and I feel fine. No actually. I feel fine. Fine in the head. Two possible reasons for this: 1) No drugs were involved 2) I had a clear head when I arrived. Hmm. Tricky one. I want… Continue reading It’s all in your head
This isn't the first time I have woken up here. Nor is it the first time I have woken up here sober. I have woken up in this position, in this room, countless times. In a number of different beds (invariably, they all get broken in the end). A number of states of arousal. With… Continue reading Morning
Here are a mixture of things I didn't even realise were effected by my drug use: My memory. I didn't even notice I couldn't remember things. I didn't even realise the world wasn't so hazy. I can actually remember things without writing them down now. My hair is growing again. It's not lank and thin… Continue reading Changes
Realisation #137... I've not really been living. This clever little life i thought i had, it's not really a life at all. Existing for 44 weeks of the year and spending the remaining 8 weeks either in scotland living or not in Scotland wishing I was. I havent touched any drugs in 3 months.… Continue reading Existing
I tried to rewatch skins today. And yesterday. Why? No idea. All I know is that nothing can recreate that first watch. This pretty much sums up most things. 2 years ago I had the best summer of my life. Nothing can take that memory away. Sadly nothing can bring it back either. There… Continue reading Going backwards
I used to hate mess. I used to hate being dirty. I used to have OCD about how things were done, where things were kept, what things I did. Washing had to be hung in certain places and in a certain way. I wouldn't be able to relax unless I had calm around me. Don't… Continue reading Things I’ve learned…
I wrote a post about this before. Maybe not on this blog. I miss having a permanent wild life. I think back to the times i was happiest. Most of it was college years. Old enough to drink without parents getting at me. Young enough to not have the responsibilities of the world on… Continue reading Nostalgia
FaerieFalls 