I tried to rewatch skins today. And yesterday. Why? No idea. All I know is that nothing can recreate that first watch. This pretty much sums up most things. 2 years ago I had the best summer of my life. Nothing can take that memory away. Sadly nothing can bring it back either. There… Continue reading Going backwards
Tag: depression
Nostalgia
I wrote a post about this before. Maybe not on this blog. I miss having a permanent wild life. I think back to the times i was happiest. Most of it was college years. Old enough to drink without parents getting at me. Young enough to not have the responsibilities of the world on… Continue reading Nostalgia
Shelf of silence
I am sat on the loo. Staring at this shelf. This shelf hasn't changed in 5 years. Apart from the fact that in the last 6 months it's been dusted every two weeks when the cleaner comes. I've stared at this shelf more times than i can count. I've sat here focusing on the… Continue reading Shelf of silence
No matter where you run…
Im here in my second home in Scotland. I am depressed. Those two situations rarely happen at the same time. And when they do, I have a habit of blaming a sudden drop in dopamine on a recent come down and look forward to the next night of getting on it. I am sober.… Continue reading No matter where you run…
Stone cold sober
I'm in Scotland. No drugs No alcohol No cigarettes I am actually okay. Amazingly the medication works when I'm not mixing it with stuff that fucks you up left right and centre. On the other hand, I can count on my hands the number of actual meals I've eaten here over the last decade. And… Continue reading Stone cold sober
Loss
I'm losing myself. And not in a good way. The phenergen that docs given me doesn't really help with sleep. Unless I tip it back with some pseudoephedrine or dihyrdracodeine. But I get the feeling that's not really what I'm supposed to be doing to get to sleep. So I went back to amitriptyline.… Continue reading Loss
Focus
I need a series to lose myself in. Something new. I go through phases, where I'm too busy to concentrate on TV. 7 months ago, I needed that same absorbing attraction. Maybe 7 months, or maybe it was last summer? I honestly cannot remember when I first felt this. I am possibly going to leave… Continue reading Focus
Fog
Everyday. It's everyday now. It clouds my brain. It's there when I wake up. There's no bounce in my step as I get out of bed. Just an air of 'cant be bothered'. The bed isn't made. It hasn't been made for days. I haven't had a shower in days. The table next to… Continue reading Fog
A necessary break
Wow. What a week! Or has it been two weeks? So, after the sale of my father's house, alongside all of the sad thoughts that brought up, my father's fiance decided she doesn't want to be with my dad anymore. To sum up: my dad is now living with me. I am actually a… Continue reading A necessary break
The same.
I can't stand being out. I made no effort and it shows. I felt so ugly. I feel so ugly. I feel fat. The people I was out with were nice enough but were distracted by the pretty girls. Or, in fact, every girl who wasn't me. I know I know I know... Beauty… Continue reading The same.
FaerieFalls 