One girl's battle with life
8 years ago I went to Australia. 10 years ago I left college. 14 years ago I left home. What have I done? How did time pass like this without me knowing? I asked C. She said we snorted the time away. Then she laughed. I didn't laugh. It's not funny anymore. That's my life.… Continue reading Time wasted.
I was so naive. I used to think drugs freed my mind. Now I know differently. They narrowed it. Nothing is what it seemed at all. All the friendships I made along the way sit in their own unrealistic battlegrounds. Every single person apart from C (sometimes including her?) Is a sea of disappointment, disharmony… Continue reading Freedom
I ran away from home a long time ago. Home wasnt safe. Change that. Home hadn't kept me safe. I'd been abused by a person near to my family. My family hadn't kept me safe. On top of that, my mum was a ball of emotional crazy (still is) and my dad avoided having to… Continue reading Trust
At night I turn into a monster. I don't think this is the first time this has happened. I don't think it happens all the time. I can't put my finger on why. It's like the night draws in and my brain switches to a bad mood instantly. I begin to get irritated by everyone.… Continue reading Monster
I can't play battleships anymore. It has unsavory connotations with doing drugs. Shame. I used to love it. I used to love Sudoku too. But when you've spent too many days sat in the same room doing lines off of a grubby plate, drinking out of a grubby glass, jittering away like a mad person,… Continue reading Association
I have had to admit to myself recently that my emotional distress regarding Scotland has been grief. I didn't see it coming. Nobody had died. Nobody was ill. It's grief for the party lifestyle I so wish to be a part of all the time. It's also grief for a man I should never have… Continue reading Grief
This isn't the first time I have woken up here. Nor is it the first time I have woken up here sober. I have woken up in this position, in this room, countless times. In a number of different beds (invariably, they all get broken in the end). A number of states of arousal. With… Continue reading Morning
I don't know how to relax. It's easy during the week or the term. There simply isn't time. Something needs doing and I'm so TIRED all the time that the days roll together. Then it's the weekend and inevitably there will be some type of seeing people plan as well as catching up on house… Continue reading Relax
I am bitter. I hate my job. I love the job itself, just the people. I hate the people. I wouldn't hate them so much if they just kept away. They can carry on being people I don't like, but in another room, another universe. But no. They have to bring their unlikeableness to my… Continue reading Bitterness
Realisation #137... I've not really been living. This clever little life i thought i had, it's not really a life at all. Existing for 44 weeks of the year and spending the remaining 8 weeks either in scotland living or not in Scotland wishing I was. I havent touched any drugs in 3 months.… Continue reading Existing
FaerieFalls 