One girl's battle with life
Did you ever watch the Matrix? I did. Aged 11 and a half. At a friend’s house. I’d been invited to stay over with the promise of a takeaway and a movie. I remember running home to wash my hair and grab some clean clothes. I remember standing in Blockbuster in a small town near… Continue reading Why couldn’t I have taken the blue pill…
10 minutes. I struggle with transitions. I have learned this after many years of managing my own life and trying to get by. I have yo-yo-ed between thinking I hate mornings and that I have sleep problems. There have been times in my life when I have taken sleeping pills to get to sleep and… Continue reading Transitions
That mirror is grotesque. See that mirror over there? The one that covers the wall. It shows everything. And nothing. It shows me not smiling. Lies. I am always smiling. The soft blankets and matching bed sheets look warm and inviting on the bed. Lies. I miss the duvet cover with no buttons, the ratty… Continue reading A bottle of wine a day keeps the mirror at bay
I never related to Bree from Desperate Housewives. Her depiction of finishing her housework then pouring a drink, seemed far from my attitude. Yet here I am, 32 and a half years under my belt, house clean and tidy, washing all done and sorted, two glasses down. Oh and it’s 2:30 in the afternoon. I… Continue reading Depression, desperation and drugs.
Theres a spot in my house I've found. A spot in place and time, of peace. In the early, humid spring evening, it's not quite warm enough to have the door open. I'm smoking again so I have to open something. I remembered the large kitchen window has a smaller sash at the top. I… Continue reading Not long until the flowers.
The weather is turning. There's condensation on the tops of cars in the evening. My mind is changing, too. I no longer feel a pang of jealously imaging people at creamfields. I've had to take some time out of life. I needed it. Having my social life taken away in August of 2020 was a… Continue reading Lying my way from You.
I didn't paint a picture. I didn't mask at all. The pretty drugs and flashing lights were there to watch me fall. I fell just like a princess. With girly twirls and hair. I'd pick up work and smile and flirt and never really care. My act was like a mirror. But a mirror, we… Continue reading Picture
I don't think I suddenly stopped being able to remember in my thirties... I think I suddenly realised how many methods I'd relied upon to cope with a bad memory. How many times I'd blamed alcohol for failing to remember the most simple of facts about my friends. How many times I'd glanced at the… Continue reading Memory loss or awareness gain?
Beware the teenagerwithout any hobbieswho seems to be busy but nothing ever sticks The jack of some tradesEnough opportunityTo build skill and deceptionCutting corners to fit. Beware the mindThat saw peaceful as goldenBut was constantly taughtIdle hands were a sin Looking out for attentionBut only at the right partsHoping nobody noticedThat human within. Beware the… Continue reading Beware
...with their employer. (And probably the government, but lets not split hairs. Just ask any woman who has been emotionally abused (women have traditionally been more aware of these things). There are obvious signs that anyone would recognize, we know these red flags. There are also low level hidden signs. On their own they don't… Continue reading Every employed human in Britain is in an abusive relationship…
FaerieFalls 