One girl's battle with life
It's a four letter word. I'm redefining the word. I teach kids. Yet I have an unhealthy attraction to things that are frowned upon and I have been known to walk about with a gram of meth in the back of my phone and smoke thc on my way home. And I keep forgetting people's… Continue reading Risk
I have this theory. Suicide is a natural process of evolution. Humans are a complicated balance of chemicals and they don't always work properly or engage properly with the world around them. Suicide is natures way of filtering out those who aren't compatible with life. Not always are people worth saving.
I am sat on the loo. Staring at this shelf. This shelf hasn't changed in 5 years. Apart from the fact that in the last 6 months it's been dusted every two weeks when the cleaner comes. I've stared at this shelf more times than i can count. I've sat here focusing on the… Continue reading Shelf of silence
Im here in my second home in Scotland. I am depressed. Those two situations rarely happen at the same time. And when they do, I have a habit of blaming a sudden drop in dopamine on a recent come down and look forward to the next night of getting on it. I am sober.… Continue reading No matter where you run…
I'm in Scotland. No drugs No alcohol No cigarettes I am actually okay. Amazingly the medication works when I'm not mixing it with stuff that fucks you up left right and centre. On the other hand, I can count on my hands the number of actual meals I've eaten here over the last decade. And… Continue reading Stone cold sober
I'm losing myself. And not in a good way. The phenergen that docs given me doesn't really help with sleep. Unless I tip it back with some pseudoephedrine or dihyrdracodeine. But I get the feeling that's not really what I'm supposed to be doing to get to sleep. So I went back to amitriptyline.… Continue reading Loss
I am allergic to peanuts (mildly- resembling an IBS flare up rather than anaphylaxis). And lactose. Guess where you can find both of these ingredients? Peanut butter. Oh but I love peanut butter. Every now and then I will have peanut butter on toast... You can probably guess the rest.
I need a series to lose myself in. Something new. I go through phases, where I'm too busy to concentrate on TV. 7 months ago, I needed that same absorbing attraction. Maybe 7 months, or maybe it was last summer? I honestly cannot remember when I first felt this. I am possibly going to leave… Continue reading Focus
Everyday. It's everyday now. It clouds my brain. It's there when I wake up. There's no bounce in my step as I get out of bed. Just an air of 'cant be bothered'. The bed isn't made. It hasn't been made for days. I haven't had a shower in days. The table next to… Continue reading Fog
By this reasoning, it stands to suggest that the large number of whiteys amongst drinkers is entirely to do with sugar levels. I always drank Jack and diet cola, before that I drank vodka and diet cola. I was one of those people who couldn't eat and drink at the same time. If I… Continue reading Wake n Bake.
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