One girl's battle with life
This isn't the first time I have woken up here. Nor is it the first time I have woken up here sober. I have woken up in this position, in this room, countless times. In a number of different beds (invariably, they all get broken in the end). A number of states of arousal. With… Continue reading Morning
I don't know how to relax. It's easy during the week or the term. There simply isn't time. Something needs doing and I'm so TIRED all the time that the days roll together. Then it's the weekend and inevitably there will be some type of seeing people plan as well as catching up on house… Continue reading Relax
Here are a mixture of things I didn't even realise were effected by my drug use: My memory. I didn't even notice I couldn't remember things. I didn't even realise the world wasn't so hazy. I can actually remember things without writing them down now. My hair is growing again. It's not lank and thin… Continue reading Changes
I am bitter. I hate my job. I love the job itself, just the people. I hate the people. I wouldn't hate them so much if they just kept away. They can carry on being people I don't like, but in another room, another universe. But no. They have to bring their unlikeableness to my… Continue reading Bitterness
Realisation #137... I've not really been living. This clever little life i thought i had, it's not really a life at all. Existing for 44 weeks of the year and spending the remaining 8 weeks either in scotland living or not in Scotland wishing I was. I havent touched any drugs in 3 months.… Continue reading Existing
I tried to rewatch skins today. And yesterday. Why? No idea. All I know is that nothing can recreate that first watch. This pretty much sums up most things. 2 years ago I had the best summer of my life. Nothing can take that memory away. Sadly nothing can bring it back either. There… Continue reading Going backwards
I used to hate mess. I used to hate being dirty. I used to have OCD about how things were done, where things were kept, what things I did. Washing had to be hung in certain places and in a certain way. I wouldn't be able to relax unless I had calm around me. Don't… Continue reading Things I’ve learned…
I wrote a post about this before. Maybe not on this blog. I miss having a permanent wild life. I think back to the times i was happiest. Most of it was college years. Old enough to drink without parents getting at me. Young enough to not have the responsibilities of the world on… Continue reading Nostalgia
I'm happier than I've been in a long time. Everyone I know thinks I've been coming off my anti depressants. Everyone thinks this is making me better. Really I'm just getting over the drugs. The addiction or the withdrawal or a combination of the two. Its been 8 weeks of torture. The last hit was… Continue reading Recovery
Here is my life at this point in time (I have to say that, my lifestyle/mood changes more times than I care to remember): I wake around 5. I eat breakfast. I go to work and usually work from 7:10 until 5 with 10 minutes to myself at lunch. I come home eat dinner watching… Continue reading Apathy
FaerieFalls 